Heads!

I was recently hit by a football, when collecting my son from his football training.

My husband shouted “heads!” so it wasn’t a complete shock, but soon afterwards I found myself feeling really dizzy, anxious and like I wanted to cry. The thing is, I was only hit on the arm. It didn’t hurt. I was fine. But then I started to imagine how awful it would’ve been if I was hit on the head. Thoughts and fears are mighty powerful.

So, I reminded myself of all I’ve been learning about nervous system regulation. I acknowledged that yes, I had been hit by a football, and yes, it had made me feel wobbly. But equally, I told myself that I was fine and I was safe and it was all okay.  I also remembered my tendency to go in on myself in these occasions so asked my husband for a hug, did my breathing and generally calmed things down. We got back to the car, and all was fine. 

Prior to my knowledge of nervous system regulation, the general pattern of situations like this is that I get dizzy, get the headaches, get cross, go to shutdown mode, get home, go straight to bed and quite likely the rest of the day is a write off. Maybe longer. I am learning that my response to these challenges and my ability to calm my nervous system using these simple techniques is probably the final piece of my recovery journey, and coping with the day to day challenges of normal life.

I discussed this with my therapist and was encouraged to learn that my understanding of Polyvagal theory and nervous system regulation were all in line with how she helps her clients deal with anxiety. I now need to use situations where I can get overwhelmed by light, noise, crowds (or footballs) to practice my techniques and bring my nervous system back to a place of calm. The plan is that over time I won’t get knocked down so easily.

So I’m thinking, I’m hoping, that I’ve cracked the last bit of the code. 19 months in.